why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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