It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
