So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
