Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
My liver just had a heart attack.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Randomize
