There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
