I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
