Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
