You can't motorboat a personality
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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