youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
