she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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