He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
