he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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