Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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