So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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