Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
