Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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