there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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