We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
