We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
