Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
