found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
