i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
