he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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