I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
