3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
