i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
