His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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