North Korea, Best Korea!
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You can't just leave with hair like that
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
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