There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Randomize
