so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
