dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
