i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
