I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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