You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
