She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Randomize
