My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
