Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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