What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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