Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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