His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
