Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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