Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
