Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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