I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
