You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I pour the whiskey from now on
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
