id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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