I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
