remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize