I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
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