wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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