I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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