I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
