Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
