If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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