I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
