hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
