whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
