It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
