It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
