Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
