Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
He uses pillows to masturbate.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
