I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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