brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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