my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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