I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
