What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
