Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
