Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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