I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
