I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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