I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
