u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
