No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
