White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm sobbing to NWA
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
