Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
